I mean what to even say about today…where to even start.
I felt good when I woke up, filled with hope thanks to the amazing state of Georgia. And even though the second race hadn’t been declared yet, it felt like it would be at any moment. It truly felt like it was a brand new day.
After four Zooms in the morning I decided to take a short walk at lunch, and it was lovely. The air was crisp but the sun was shining, a few flowers were blooming, and the music in my ears was making me smile. And then a text came in. At 11:59am.
ABC reporting shots fired in the Capitol.
WTAF is happening?!?!
Trump egged on the protestors and told them to go there.
THE SITTING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to make sure I’d heard Siri correctly. I had.
And then another text:
Are you watching this?
Then another:
Holy moly…are you watching the news?
By that time I’d walked back into my house and turned on CNN and wow. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It felt surreal, like something that was happening on the other side of the world. Surely that couldn’t be happening here, could it? But then I took a few deep breaths and remembered who was in charge, and what he’d been saying from day one. This shouldn’t have been a surprise. It’s been coming for days, for weeks, since November 2016.
And as I watched the footage I realized that it was easy for them. These terrorists easily got into the Capitol. They easily got by police. In some cases it appeared that police were opening barricades and doors for them. What?!
And then I remembered the peaceful Black Lives Matter protests last summer and fall. And how people were marching in the streets, not taking over federal buildings, not attacking people…but the National Guard was EVERYWHERE. And one wrong move meant a protestor was on the ground, hurt, shackled, arrested. Sometimes worse.
There were THIRTEEN people arrested today the last time I checked. THIRTEEN. If you don’t see the problem then I don’t even know what else to say. This is more than white privilege, although the privilege was beyond evident today. This is white supremacy, and it’s absolutely gross. And the fact that the President of the United States didn’t denounce what they did, basically told them to do it, and then, when pressed, released a video saying he understood, that he loved them, but that they should go home. REALLY?! There was nothing said about the woman who was shot and eventually died. Nothing said about destroying federal property. NOTHING.
I am outraged.
And this won’t be a one-time thing. They got away with it. Just like they did in Michigan last year. What’s to stop them from storming in again tomorrow, or the next day, or the day of the inauguration? What’s to stop them from doing this all over the country at courthouses and capitol buildings? What’s to stop them from doing this where you work or where you live?
I haven’t felt like this since 9/11 - I definitely haven’t watched as much news since then. But honestly, this feels worse. Because it’s not another country attacking us. It’s Americans attacking Americans. And Americans attacking democracy. And Americans attacking truth. And it feels horrible.
I mean this isn’t new. These same Americans - and I do use that term loosely, as nothing about this terrorist group is what America is supposed to stand for - have been attacking Black Americans for years. And if I’m outraged today, I can’t even imagine the rage boiling inside every Black person in this country right now.
For eight years these so-called Americans wanted us to believe President Obama wasn’t a US citizen. They hurled insults, said the worst kinds of things about the First Lady and the children, and threatened their lives on a daily basis. They are the ones who elected the current President, and climbed aboard the giant platform he gave them. They were always there. The hate was always there. He just made it okay to say the words out loud.
No, this shouldn’t be a surprise. It was always going to lead to this. And it feels even worse than I expected.
But at the end of the day I have to remember that the light always outshines the dark. That the good outweighs the bad. That I’m not in control of any of it, and neither are the terrorists, and neither is the President. I will go to sleep tonight knowing that God is still in control of all of it, and while I don’t always understand what He’s doing, or why some of the lessons seem unbearably hard; I know He’s got a plan and in the end, He wins.
"You are a light. You are the light. Never let anyone — any person or any force — dampen, dim or diminish your light … Release the need to hate, to harbor division, and the enticement of revenge. Release all bitterness. Hold only love, only peace in your heart, knowing that the battle of good to overcome evil is already won."
—John Lewis
Exactly. And, yes, God, is in control. Even when we can't see it
You articulated every thought and feeling I’ve had today. Disappointed, sad, angry.... everything.