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It’s hard to think about what life was like a year ago. We could still go places and do things and see people. Masks were a thing only doctors and nurses wore. And the term social distancing had never been heard of. It was a good time. Until the news broke…
It’s been a year since Kobe and his daughter, along with several others, lost their lives in that helicopter crash. A year since the world collectively grieved the loss of someone only a handful of people truly knew.
The loss of celebrity is a strange thing. Why do we grieve a person we didn’t personally know? Why do some losses hit us harder than others? I don’t have the answers, but I do know it’s different for everyone. I wasn't even a Kobe fan and his death still feels unreal. Maybe it’s because when a celebrity passes away they instantly become human. They’re no longer in the stratosphere of fame. They’re just another human being like the rest of us. Of course that’s what they always were, but they had that something extra, that thing that put them in the spotlight and made us pay attention.
Sometimes losing a celebrity means losing part of our childhood, losing our inspiration, losing what we turned to when we felt down or lost. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard. Maybe that’s why we grieve a person we’ve never met, someone we know only through the media. Maybe we’re grieving the loss of all that we didn’t know, all that we wish we knew, all that the person might have been had they lived just a bit longer.
We just lost two high profile men who made huge impacts in their respective fields; one dealt with racial injustice and more hate than most of us will ever know while also being one of the greatest baseball players in history. The other dug into the lives of celebrities and helped us get to know them better, and he was one of the best at his job. Hank Aaron and Larry King died a few days ago, and while they both lived long lives, it still seems like they were taken too soon. Maybe that’s why it seems impossible that Kobe has been gone a year; that he’s gone at all. He was so young. He hadn’t lived his full life yet, at least from our perspective. He couldn’t possibly have done everything he was supposed to do.
I wrote the post below last year at the end of the overwhelming day of Kobe’s death. I thought I’d repost it here to remember.
I used to be a huge NBA fan, before I moved to the Bay Area and got consumed by hockey. I was a fan of Magic and Kareem, of Jordan and Pippen, of Robinson and Duncan. I guess I was old school. I was never a Kobe fan. In fact I stopped being a Lakers fan when he and Shaq joined the team. To me they didn’t represent what the Lakers were about. They were arrogant and didn’t seem to care about tradition. And the NBA couldn’t promote them enough. It was too much, and from his first day in the league I knew he wasn’t for me. That didn’t stop me from acknowledging what an incredible player he was - Shaq, too. In fact, it was infuriating how good he was. Clearly he was exactly what the Lakers needed. What did I know?
Fast forward to today - January 26, 2020.
I was at work when I heard the news. My mom called and asked if I’d heard about the helicopter crash. I couldn’t imagine what she was talking about and then she said it. “Kobe Bryant was killed.” I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. While I talked to her I went to the CNN and ESPN websites and there it was. As big as life. Kobe Bryant Dead at 41. I saw that I had a couple of texts from a friend about the tragedy, and then another came in. We were all in some sort of shock. And then the rumors came about his kids being on the helicopter as well. Unfortunately, as we all soon learned, those were partially true as his 13-year old daughter also died along with seven other people, although at that time the total was five. I felt sick.
And then I opened Twitter. And the stunned tweets were pouring in from fans, teammates, coaches, other athletes, celebrities…everyone was in shock. It didn’t seem real. I got lost in the tributes and memories for a bit then forced myself to get back to work. But after a couple of hours I realized I was struggling to focus so I packed things up and came home where I read more and shed a few tears for this person I never knew. I decided to watch a movie to focus on something else but realized quickly that my choice - a movie I thought was a comedy - was primarily about the relationship between a father and his daughter. So that wasn’t all that helpful of a distraction.
I turned on the Grammys, wondering what sort of tribute they might do since the ceremony was being held in Staples Center, otherwise known as The House that Kobe Built. And while Lizzo dedicated her incredible opening number and the night to Kobe, it was Alicia Keys and Boyz II Men that absolutely destroyed me.
Alicia was subdued when she took the stage as host and talked about what we were all feeling, the overwhelming sadness, the irony of being in the middle of the Staples Center…and then they showed Kobe’s jerseys hanging in the rafters with spotlights shining on them…and she started to sing It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday…and then Boyz II Men joined her…and I was a weeping mess. I watched a little while longer than left the house to find other ways to distract myself.
I’m still not clear why this is hitting me so hard. Like I said, I wasn’t a fan. I didn’t really pay much attention to Kobe but I was obviously aware of him. I just saw him on Ellen and on the Kelly Clarkson show. He just gave praise to LeBron for moving past one of his records. He was just here. And now he’s gone. And so is his daughter. And so are several others. But he’s the face of this tragedy because of who he was. I can’t even imagine what those of you that were his fans are feeling, much less those of you who truly knew him as a person. I am heartsick for his wife and their other daughters and for the families of the others lost.
As I was wandering around Barnes & Noble I realized that losing a celebrity of his stature affects us because even those of us who weren’t fans felt like we knew him. Kobe was everywhere during his career. He was in every conversation about basketball and a lot of them about sports in general. It was impossible not to feel like you knew at least a little bit about him. When he retired he was in every conversation about the best athletes of all time. He will forever be in those conversations. At the end of the day he seemed to be a genuinely good person and was doing some incredible things in his community. He was coaching and helping others, and he was clearly a great father. Of the people who knew him that have posted something today, they’ve all talked about how much they’ll miss the conversations, how much they’ll miss talking about their kids, how much they’ll miss him.
Life is short.
Don’t take it for granted.
Have the dessert.
Stay up late.
Sleep in.
Buy the shoes.
Go on the trip.
See the show.
Tell them you love them.
Hold on a little tighter.
Live.
Love.
Laugh.
Rest In Peace, Kobe. Rest In Peace, Gigi. Rest In Peace, Coach Altobelli. Rest In Peace, Coach Mauser. Rest In Peace, those we don’t have names for. Love to the families and friends left behind wondering what to do next. Love to everyone hurting tonight.